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Can You Repair a Relationship after a Break-up?

A breakup doesn’t always have to mean the end. In some instances, it can give a relationship the healthy shake up that it needs to be reborn. However, you shouldn’t go diving straight back into the arms of your ex without giving it some long and hard thought first. And be prepared for the possibility that it may all not work out – not every broken relationship is repairable and moving on could be exactly what you need (although you’re unlikely to feel like it right now). For those eager to give things another go, here are the steps you should take.

Giving yourself both time apart

In the initial stages after a breakup, it’s important that you both cut out communication with one another entirely. No calling, no texting and no social media messaging – it may be easier to unfriend one another on Facebook entirely so that you’re no longer in each other’s lives.

You both need to give each other space so that you can a) both concentrate on rediscovering yourselves and your own needs, b) both realise what it was that you loved about one another and c) both realise the things you didn’t like about one another.

Both of you will have to change parts of your personality in order to make things work again. Decide what you’re willing to change about yourself and what your ex must change for you in order to make things work again.

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Meanwhile, during your time apart, resist diving straight into another relationship or having a one night stand. You don’t need the security of someone else – now is the time to focus on you. Discover yourself and your needs so that you re-enter the relationship as a new and better person.      

Making first contact

When enough time has passed and you feel as if you could just easily move on as you could give it another go, now is the time to make contact. The first few texts/messages can be difficult to word – you can use services such as Ex Back Expertise for advice. It’s possible you may have been blocked, in which case you may have to go through a friend. If everyone is turning you away then you may have to resign to the fact that your ex really doesn’t want to speak to you again – they will talk to you again in their own time.

Arrange to meet up in person for coffee or somewhere neutral (not your place or their place). Talk out your feelings with one another and see if you have both been considering making up. Even deciding to see each other as friends can be a healthy first step.

Taking it slow

Seeing each other again ought to be treated slowly, as if the two of you were meeting again for the first time. Try avoiding old places you used to hang out and arrange dates at new and exciting locations (this site Stylecaster offers some innovative date ideas). Talk about new things and get to know each other in new ways. Don’t jump into bed with one another straight away – sex can blind you to the real matters at stake by allowing you to be lost in the moment. Take things one step at a time until you both trust each other wholly.

Knowing the warning signs

There are lots of red flags that could spell trouble when re-entering a relationship. Making up requires both of you being fully committed. If the other person doesn’t really want to get back into a relationship and you’re pressuring them constantly to try, you should probably call it quits before your feelings get too strong again. If you’ve both made agreements to change but nothing is changing, this too ought to be a warning sign that things may end up the same way if you continue. If you have made a change but you feel inauthentic as if you’re having to act like someone that you’re not, this too should be a reason to call it off as it shows your partner doesn’t want you for who you are.

Finally you should be aware of jealousy or resentment – ideally you should not try to repair things until these negative feelings are gone. If you’re still bitter at your ex for cheating on you and want revenge, then going into a relationship with them is likely to only to strengthen these negative feelings. If you’re constantly getting into arguments over similar issues to why you broke up, you should either settle these once and for all or decide that things aren’t going to work out to avoid a repeat of last time.

If it doesn’t work out…

You tried and you did your best. Now is the time to move on once and for all. Forget about relationships for now and put all your focus into other passions and dreams. Start looking for the career you want, start up a new exciting hobby, take a hobby you’ve already got to the next level, strengthen your friend group or plan an adventure abroad. Leave them behind, value the experience and start the next exciting chapter of your life.

If it does work out…

Things have worked out for you both – perhaps you were meant to be after all. It’s now time to leave behind this break-up and continue focusing on fixing your relationship. Start creating big and exciting goals that involve the two of you. Remember that no relationship is perfect and that you will have your rocky moments. As long as things don’t return to how they were and you both respect the changes that needed to be made, the relationship will stay a strong one. Temporarily breaking up may have been the best thing that could have happened for your relationship to continue.